


To wash the insecurities away

by Jaeminct



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, He still comes to practice anyway, Insecurity, M/M, Mysophobia, SakuAtsu Angst Week 2021, Sick Bokuto Koutarou, insecure sakusa kiyoomi, near panic attack, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 12:34:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30122835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaeminct/pseuds/Jaeminct
Summary: Sakusa Kiyoomi knows he's not good enough for Atsumu but he’s willing to try.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67
Collections: Jaeminct- Sakuatsu Angst Week 2021





	To wash the insecurities away

**Author's Note:**

> Sakuatsu Angst Week 2021: Day8  
> Prompt: Insecurity

“Bokkun, are ya sure yer feelin’ better? I don’t want ya t’ scare Omi.” Atsumu stared quizzically at his friend.

Bokuto had been down with a fever all weekend but was now claiming to be well enough to attend the Monday morning-afternoon practice. 

“I’m fine Tsum-tsum.” he said with a hint of boredom in his voice. “How many times do I have to tell you.”

Atsumu put his hands in the air in mock surrender. “Okay. Okay. But one sneeze and yer leavin’. I’m gonna go stretch with Omi. If I spend too long with ya, he’ll never touch me again.” 

Atsumu made his way over to Kiyoomi, who was stretching his arms.    
“He’s still sick isn’t he?” Kiyoomi asked the second he made eye-contact with his boyfriend. His mask was on and he looked ready to bolt at any moment.    
“He said he’s feelin’ better. He did cough twice when I was talkin’ t’ him but I dunno… He don’t look that sick but yeah…” Atsumu trailed off awkwardly. He wasn’t going to hide any information from his boyfriend; if Kiyoomi felt it was better to leave then he could. 

Kiyoomi nodded and moved away, towards the door. For a moment Atsumu thought he was leaving and had to stifle a sigh- Kiyoomi had been making real progress in managing his mysophobia lately. So when his boyfriend came back with a clinical mask and handed it to Atsumu wordlessly, he felt his heart swell with pride.

“Omi-omi!” He gushed, like a fangirl. He wasn’t going to serenade the younger with kisses and compliments here, Sakusa would probably slap him for that, but he could barely contain his pride. 

He saw the slight blush of Kiyoomi’s cheeks above his mask.    
“Shut up and stretch.” The younger deadpanned.   
“I didn’t even say nuffin’!”    
“I don’t care… hurry up and put the mask on.” 

The rest of practice went relatively smoothly but it was clear that Bokuto was not 100% better. He got tired very easily and his breathing was so loud that it made Kiyoomi’s heart beat faster. The evidently still sick spiker didn’t manage to hit one toss and he was coughing every minute. 

After a particularly bad mess up on Bokuto’s part, Meian suggested they all take a ten minute break. Atsumu noticed how fidgety Kiyoomi was and thought that maybe his boyfriend had had enough for one day.

“Hey. You okay?” He asked, trying to let Kiyoomi know that it was okay to go home now, he’d done well already, but the younger just nodded his head in return. 

“I’m just a bit uncomfortable but I’ll be fine.”    
“Sure ya don’t wanna go home? I’m sure they won’t mind.”    
“Practice is almost over, I think I can manage.” His voice was levelled but Atsumu could see the light flush of his cheeks above the clinical mask he’d had on for all of practice. Atsumu wore a matching one so that his boyfriend wouldn’t stick out so much and so that Kiyoomi wouldn’t have to worry about Atsumu getting infected as well. 

While it was terrible when Kiyoomi got sick, weak immune system and all, it was somehow 100x worse when Atsumu did. They were at that stage in their relationship where they shared a house, so usually Atsumu stood no chance of hiding whatever sickness he had from Kiyoomi. Most of the time, Kiyoomi would go and stay with Komori while Atsumu stayed at home with Osamu coming over to take care of him. It was difficult for both of them, Kiyoomi always got upset and felt as if he wasn’t good enough for Atsumu. He’d tried to take care of him one time but he just couldn’t handle it. Meanwhile, Atsumu would be upset that Kiyoomi was feeling that way. They always resolved it afterwards with a cuddle session when Atsumu was better.

The blonde-haired setter wondered if it would be different next time. Kiyoomi had gotten way better at controlling his mysophobia, this was proof- he’d stayed 4 hours in a room with a sick person. 

“What are you thinking about?” Sakusa asked, his eyes fixed on Bokuto who was talking to Hinata, way more relaxed than normal.   
“You.” Atsumu giggled smugly when he saw the tell-tale crinkle of the corners of Kiyoomi’s eyes.    
“Whatever,” Kiyoomi mumbled, once again thankful that the mask hid his smile. 

Bokuto fell into a particularly loud coughing fit, without even covering his mouth, and Atsumu could feel Kiyoomi’s hand shaking in his. Atsumu soothingly rubbed his thumb over Kiyoomi’s knuckles. The other’s face and neck were slightly flushed and Atsumu wanted to calm him down before it got any worse.   
“Yer okay Omi, yer okay.”    
“I’m okay.” the younger affirmed. 

“Let’s go home, yeah?”   
“No.”   
“What? Why not? I think ya’ve had enough for one day.”   
“No I haven’t. I’m fine.”    
“Ya almost had a panic attack just now!” He hissed, trying to keep his voice down.   
“Well I didn’t.”   
  
Atsumu pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed; when Kiyoomi got stubborn like this it was almost impossible to reason with him. If he wanted to help Kiyoomi he had to understand the younger’s reasoning first or he would not be listened to.   
  


“What’s goin’ on? Talk to me.” He asked using both of his hands to play with Kiyoomi’s left.

“Nothing. I just want to stay and practice.”    
“Omi, I know you.”    
“And so…” Kiyoomi asked with a little more than a hint of sass.   
“So don’t lie to me.”

Kiyoomi remained silent.

And it was that silence that let Atsumu know what the problem was. 

“Omi,” He breathed out softly, “I love ya just as you are. I don’t know what’s got ya thinkin’ otherwise. No matter whatcha do, I’ll always love ya.”   
“But I saw you,” Kiyoomi said in that gentle voice that let Atsumu know tears were on the way.   
“Saw me what?”   
“When Bokuto was talking about how well Akaashi took care of him, I saw you. You looked jealous.” Sakusa’s voice wavered and he kept his eyes trained on the floor. 

“Omi,” Atsumu didn’t know what to say, it was a conversation they'd had a million times before but that didn’t make it any easier.   
“I’m sorry, I-I’m trying my best but it’s not enough is it? I promise I’ll be better.” The first tears began to fall. ”Next time… I… I’ll look after you like a … like a normal per-” Atsumu pulled him into a tight hug against his chest, effectively silencing him.

“How many times have I told ya that I hate that word. There ain’t no such thing as a normal person and even if there was, I’m not in love with a ‘normal person’, I’m in love with  _ you _ .” He could hear Kiyoomi full on sobbing and was sure the rest of the team could as well, but he didn’t care. “I love ya just the way ya are. Ya don’t needa change anything and if I ever make ya feel like ya do, make sure ya beat me back to ma senses. Ok?” 

“But you deserve someone bett-”

“Don’t even dare to finish that sentence. If anythin’  _ ya _ deserve someone better than me. Even if I dedicated the rest of ma life to findin’ someone better than the Sakusa Kiyoomi I am madly in love with, it would be futile. There ain’t no one better than ya, remember that Omi.”

Kiyoomi, still sniffling, buried his face in Atsumu’s neck and nodded. He wanted the ground to swallow him up and choke him to death- the whole team had watched their sentimental exchange. He hated PDA and this particular event had destroyed his reputation. He was aware the longer he spent in this position the more his reputation died but he just couldn’t bring himself to show his face. 

After what felt like an eternity of inner debating he let go off Atsumu with a “Get off me silly.”   
“Excuse me, it was you who was on me. Clingy little Omi.”    
“Shut up.” Kiyoomi snapped fighting a smile beneath his mask.

_ That’s my Omi. _ Atsumu thought to himself.  _ I’ll do whatever it takes to wash the insecurities away.  _

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to give Kiyoomi a panic attack here and I wrote the scene and everything but I edited it out; I thought it was a bit too much angst for one story.
> 
> Let me know what you thought or any feedback you might have. Did you think there was something I could have done better? 
> 
> This is the last work I'm doing for Sakuatsu angst week so I hope you've all enjoyed my stories. I had a lot of fun writing them. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are much appreciated.


End file.
